


the incident that led to some pretty snazzy linoleum floors

by JumpyJoltik



Category: Dangan Ronpa: Another Episode, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Crack, F/F, uhhh can i get one small meme with a side of gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 02:27:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14346021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JumpyJoltik/pseuds/JumpyJoltik
Summary: small meme made in around two hours





	the incident that led to some pretty snazzy linoleum floors

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Munchingpotatoes123](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Munchingpotatoes123/gifts).



> im still confused as to why i decided to write a christmas oneshot in april   
> my friend Munchingpotatoes123 inspired this  
> we’re pretty gay

“Toooookiii....”

Komaru let out a long, self-satisfied sigh as she opened the door to her home. She had gotten so much done! Christmas tree, fairy lights, baking materials, wrapping paper, and a nice roast had all been bought, and she looked forward to a nice, long bath- 

“Syo.”

The homicidal maniac flipped her head back, almost falling off her stack of books on a step-stool. 

“What’s up, sweet cheeks? Anything new with you?”

“Sweets, darling, love of my life, *why are you crucifying a naked boy in our living room with your scissors?*”

Komaru’s small living room had been torn apart; the TV had been removed from the mantle and seemingly tossed onto the increasingly reddening carpet, and had been replaced by a shaky pallet-wood post that had a small, very bloody child attached to it via wrist-scissors.

The boy, from his position on the haphazard, badly-nailed cross, frowned lightly. “Ah, hello. I am actually 21, so boy would be inaccurate. My name’s Nagito Komaeda.”

“I thought he would make for an excellent Christmas decoration! Gloomy got bored after finishing her new short story, so no harm, no foul. Hah! Foul, fowl, get it? ‘Cause he’s trussed up like a chicken!” 

“This isn’t ethical! At all! Kidnapping and crucifying is rude and illegal! Did you even consider the police coming when the neighbors spot blood in here again? Calls have already happened *four times* this month, along with charges for abuse.” 

Syo twirled a braid around her scissors. “Eh, I’ll shut ‘em up.”

“*Fearmongering isn’t a good solution!* It also doesn’t solve the problem of more blood in my carpet. We just got these replaced a week and a half ago! If this happens again, I might need to ask Togami for a loan. Paying off the carpet cleaners is doing a number on our bank account, you know.”

“Gloomster can just write another book!”  
Syo waved a dismissive hand. “And about the carpet, you’re right; its very impractical to clean. Think you could re-do the house in linoleum?”

Syo turned back to Nagito, and with finesse, aggressively thwacked the base of her scissors down onto his head, silencing his ragged breathing. “There we go! Now he’s mostly dead. Sweet cheeks, can you call the flooring company while I get this one into a bag?”

“He’s not actually dead though, right? You said you’d stop doing this!”

“*Mostly* dead. I’ll just drop him off at the police station, it’ll be fine and dandy.”

“...fine.”

Turning away, Komaru pulled out her phone. “... Hello, yes? Is this Frank’s Flooring? Hi, my girlfriend and I need around 2,000 square feet of linoleum...”


End file.
